


Bad Day

by MelyndaR



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22956394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelyndaR/pseuds/MelyndaR
Summary: When Reid sees an interview that Lila's done a few days after they left LA, he realizes that she's still struggling and calls to check up on her. This leads to a series of calls about both his and her "bad days" over the next year with an end result that neither of them originally saw coming. (originally posted 11/24/13 on FF.net)
Relationships: Lila Archer/Spencer Reid
Comments: 2
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 1x18, "Somebody's Watching."

_April 2, 2006_

Spencer Reid was feeling restless. Not quite a week had passed since the case with Lila Archer in LA, and yet he still couldn't get her off of his mind. In an effort to distract himself, he was doing something that he rarely did – flipping through the channels on his television. As would be his luck of late, there wasn't even anything on worth watching.

But as he was flipping through, he heard these words: "Next up: Rising actress Lila Archer opens up to East Gate's own Hilary Johansson about her recent ordeal with a murderess stalker. How is she coping?"

And suddenly there _was_ something on that Spencer wanted to watch. He sat on the edge of his seat for the next five minutes while commercials that he didn't even see rolled by. And then there she was: Lila Archer. The Lila Archer. The Lila Archer that had kissed him in her pool in LA. The Lila Archer that he had kissed in return.

He listened with rapt attention as the airbrushed interviewer spoke with Lila about how after not even a week – the thought crossed his mind that this had to have been shot even earlier than that – Lila was oh so much better, already so very healed from what had happened surrounding Maggie.

Spencer's first thought was, put plainly and simply, _That's bull._

He didn't know about the rest of America, but he, for one, could see straight through the layers of makeup that Lila had on. Not to mention the absolute falseness of the smile that she wore for the cameras' sake.

When Lila expressed once again how much far removed from the incident she felt, Spencer couldn't help but turn the television off. On second thought, though, he turned it back on but left it on mute. Just because he didn't want to hear her words, that didn't mean that he didn't enjoy seeing her face once again, even if it was just on the TV.

Biting his lip, he watched her carefully, noticing all of the signs that most people probably wouldn't. She was miserable, still scared at best, and at worst, her mental state had gotten worse once the team had left LA.

He had to find a way to check on her. For a split second the obvious answer evaded him, and then it was there, slapping him in the forehead with its simplicity. Lila had put her number in his cell phone before he had left the City of Angels. He only had to pick up his phone and call her.

So he did.

"Hello?" Lila's voice filtered over the phone, music to his ears even though she sounded surprised. "Spencer?"

"Hey," he said softly. "I'm watching the East Gate clip."

"Oh," Lila whispered.

"How are you, really?" he asked, true caring lacing every syllable he said.

"Honestly?" Lila said, and he could already hear the tears gathering in her voice, even over the phone. "That was an awful day. Today has been a bad day. Every day this week has been a bad day… Everyone wants to know what happened, and I just want it all to go away! I want to forget that it ever happened but I can't. It's in my nightmares when I'm asleep _every night_ , and it's there when I wake up because people just keep calling, and they won't stop! And even when they're not calling, I can't stop thinking about what happened, or about Maggie. Every person I see – even randomly on the street – will come up to me and start asking about it! I can barely even leave my stupid house because of it!"

Spencer flinched involuntarily and swallowed as he heard her start to sob. "Lila, don't cry… I know. I know what you mean, about it being there even in your sleep, in your mind. I'm sorry… I don't know of anything that I can do to help you besides just listening whenever you need someone to talk to… but, Lila?"

"Yeah?" she sniffled.

"I promise, it does get better. The memories might not even fade, but they will go to the back of your mind, I know that."

Her laugh sounded brittle as she said, "You know everything."

"Well, not quite, but this is the voice of actual experience talking. And I meant what I said; if things are ever rough for you, if you ever have a bad day and you need to talk to someone, you can call me whenever – day or night. I don't know how much help I can be, but know that I'll always make time to listen if you need an ear to bend."

Lila didn't say anything for a minute and then, "Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

He smiled softly. "You're welcome."

* * *

It was one in the morning when she called the next night. Spencer fought waking up while already flinging his hand towards his phone, assuming that he was being called in to a case.

"Garcia?" he mumbled, answering his cell.

"Spencer?" She already sounded watery, like she was near tears.

His eyes widened, and he was suddenly very awake. "Lila!"

"Spencer?" And then she paused, realizing. "Oh. Oh my gosh! It's one in the morning over there, isn't it? I'm so sorry! I can… I'll call back later. I…"

"No!" Spencer sat up and flung the covers back, knowing that she must need something if she had actually resorted to calling him. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course. What's going on?" he asked softly.

"I… I keep seeing her face. Maggie… the way she looked at me. I can't close my eyes without seeing her face."

Spencer sighed internally, knowing full well what was going on. It was ten o'clock her time, which meant it was time for her to start thinking about going to bed, time for the nightmares to start looming over her.

"Well, you options of either taking some sleeping pills – which I do not suggest if you have to do anything tomorrow – or talking to me for awhile."

"About what?"

He shrugged. "Anything you want."

She paused before informing him dryly, "The segment that I did with 60 Minutes will be premiering tomorrow night."

"I think I'll go program my DVR to record it right now," he declared, making his way into his living room.

"Right now?" Lila repeated. "But it's one in the morning over there! Which I still feel really bad about, by the way."

"Don't," he ordered. "Really, I wasn't even sleeping very well anyway."

"How come?" Lila asked innocently.

Spencer paused, then decided to give her the honest answer. "Work."

"Are you guys out on a case or something?"

"No, but sometimes… sometimes the pictures that are in the case files that we do at the office are as bad as seeing things in real life."

There was a pause over the line, and then Lila told him, "You know… if _you_ ever need to talk to call _me_ to talk, that's fine too. I'd be more than willing to listen."

"All right," Spencer said, already knowing that he would be doing no such thing.

Lila didn't need the negativity and darkness that practically defined his life to seep into her life anymore than what it already had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for 1x22 and 2x01, "The Fisher King," and 2x06, "The Boogeyman."

For the first couple of months, Lila called Spencer almost nightly, as often as the nightmares woke her, and then the calls lessened as the nightmares did the same. But the damage had been done: the team had noticed the change in him and deduced that he had acquired a girlfriend. It wasn't quite the truth, but Spencer wasn't sure if they were wrong either. And for awhile he wasn't sure that he wanted to know. But as time wore on and the calls became less and less frequent, Spencer felt himself pulling back, telling himself that he was okay with the idea that he and Lila were just friends. After all, that's less than he can say for any of the other victims that he'd worked with.

* * *

_September 21, 2006_

It was Morgan who figured out who the mystery girl was, and he had mercy on his "pretty boy," deciding to keep the information to himself. At least, he didn't say anything to anyone until that September. With everything that had been going on concerning their recent case with the Fisher King, he knew that Reid was having a hard time with things, but he also knew that the genius wasn't going to talk to them about it. Spencer needs to talk to someone about it.

Derek knew that the romantic aspect of Spencer and Lila's relationship had cooled off; he wasn't even sure that they talked much anymore, but he knew that Spencer would talk to her about everything that had been going on, if only he were given the chance. He needed to be given that chance.

This decision made, Derek made his way into Penelope Garcia's "lair," saying, "Hey, Momma, I need a favor."

"Anything for you, my sculpted god of yummy-ness," Penelope looked up at him expectantly.

"Do you remember Lila Archer?" At Garcia's quick nod, he put in his request, "I need her phone number."

She gave it to him without comment, but then said curiously, "Can I ask why you need it?"

"Sorry, Baby Girl, not this time," Derek said, kissing her on the top of her head before making a quick exit while Penelope's narrowed eyes glared after him.

He ducked into the men's room for as much alone time as it took to shoot off a text to the actress in question.

_This is Derek Morgan, one of Spencer Reid's co-workers from your case. I think you should call him; he needs someone to talk to right now._

And that was it. Derek tucked his phone into his pocket, left the bathroom, and went back to work.

* * *

That night, Spencer was almost surprised to see the caller ID number on his phone. She hadn't needed to call him in over a month. But then, he knew well that nightmares could come back at the oddest times.

"Hey, Lila," he answered.

"Hey," she repeated.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, sure, it's just… a little birdie told me that you had been having a hard time here recently, and that you might need to talk about it. I told you to call me, Spencer, and I meant it. You helped me, and I want to help you, too, when and however I can."

He sighed, only a little surprised that someone on his team - it practically _had_ to be someone on the team - would pull that stunt. "No, I - I'm fine, it's just… Our most recent case was kind of personal. It involved my mom."

Lila gasped, asking, "Is she okay?"

Spencer had never told her about his mother's condition, and he didn't intend to now, answering instead, "Yeah… she's…. she's fine."

"Are you 'fine'?" Lila asked gently.

"Yes," he instantly cringed, realizing that it didn't take a profiler to realize that he had answered her question far too quickly.

"Spencer…" she murmured knowingly.

This time his voice cracked as he answered honestly, "No… I've, uh, had a bad week."

"Talk to me, Spencer," Lila coaxed.

So he did. It all poured out - the case, his mom's involvement in it, Elle, her strange behavior, the bomb, his slight burns, and, ultimately, he even revealed to her his mother's condition and his own continual concerns about developing schizophrenia himself.

Lila just listened. She didn't judge, she didn't get scared or creeped out, or hang up on him, she just listened to all that he had to say, things that he had needed to get off of his chest. And it was then that Spencer realized that, girlfriend or not, he had found a real friend in Lila Archer.

* * *

For the next couple weeks, they called one another as close to nightly as they could manage. It wasn't that either one of them was that messed up, that they needed their little "therapy sessions" as often as that. At first, Spencer had thought that maybe that was what Lila thought of him when she kept calling him, but then he began to understand that she wanted to hear his voice as much as he wanted to hear hers. She wanted to make sure that he was staying okay.

It was something that JJ would do, he realized, and it made him smile. Lila was always a good note on which to end his day, and he was beginning to genuinely love her. Not the sort of romantic feelings that he had first had towards her - at least not quite that same fluttery, butterfly feeling - but something deeper, more abiding, something that was caught between friendship and what he could only think to call true love.

* * *

It was rare that they went a whole four days without talking, but it was after one of those spells that he called her, the tears that he felt gathering in his eyes coming through into his voice as he choked out the two words, "Elle left."

Spencer surprised not even Lila but also himself a little when he began to cry.

"I know it hurts," Lila voice came through the phone, heard over the sound of his own tears. "But it does get better; life does get to a new normal."

He didn't know if she was thinking of Michael's death, Maggie's deception, or something that he didn't even know about, but he knew that she was telling him the truth. And it helped him. Unfailingly, she helped him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for 2x09 - 2x11, "The Last Word," "Lessons Learned," and "Sex, Birth, Death," and 2x14 and 15, "The Big Game" and "Revelations."

_November 15, 2006_

"They've replaced her already," Spencer blurted out into the phone.

He wasn't sure why it came out like it did, almost hurt, almost angry, almost sad, and even surprised. He didn't know why, though, because he did genuinely like Emily Prentiss. He just didn't expect the powers that be to replace Elle so soon, and he wasn't sure what he thought of the fact that they did.

"You like her, though, right?" Lila asked casually.

For a second, he wondered if she could possibly know him well enough to have heard some tone in his voice that keyed her into that fact, but he shook it off, answering, "Yeah, I think so."

"Well, then that's good, right?" Lila didn't seem sure of why exactly he seemed upset, but he couldn't fault her for that. He wasn't too sure why either.

Spencer answered, "Yes."

"I thought so." A pause, and then Lila said, "You know, it was hard for me when I replaced Michal and got a new agent. Kind of like you getting a new agent on your team. I sure didn't want Michael to leave, not at all, let alone the way that he had, but he was… well, it's like you said about Agent Greenaway. He was just 'gone,' and for the sake of everyone involved, he had to be replaced. I couldn't really work without an agent, just like your team didn't do its best work with that gap there."

"I thought you hated Margaret," Spencer said flatly in reference to Michael's replacement.

"No," Lila corrected him. "That's my point. I _thought_ I was going to hate Margaret, and to begin with, I only put up with her because she was really good at what I had hired her to do, but then we actually became friends, good friends. So maybe you should just try being okay with this new agent for now so that you can get a real chance to get to know her before you pass judgment on her."

Spencer frowned. "Yeah, probably."

"Yeah," Lila mimicked teasingly. " _Probably_. We both know I'm right; you might as well admit it."

"Yeah, you're right," Spencer admitted.

"Yeah…" Lila pretended to brag. "I'm a genius."

Spencer couldn't help but laugh at that. "Oh, you have no idea what you're even talking about!"

Lila just laughed along with him. It was the sweetest sound that Spencer had heard all day.

* * *

The next week, Spencer informed Lila that Emily had at least earned his respect when he declared, "She's not afraid to play chess with Gideon."

He could hear the actress smiling through the phone as she asked, "Is that a big deal?"

"Yeah," Spencer decided. "Kind of; Gideon can be very intimidating."

"Well, then, I'm glad she's not easily intimidated."

"You can't be if you have our job."

"That's true."

And it was then that Spencer realized that by now Lila did know that for a fact. More and more, he had been telling her things about cases that they had been on - the things that had left him troubled - and not once had Lila ever shied away from them, from being there for him. Maybe that was why he was beginning to let himself need her so much.

* * *

_November 29, 2006_

Spencer didn't even know where to start when he picked up the phone and answered Lila's call. It's like she knows that - maybe was even expecting it - because when she realized that their customary "hey" was all he knew to say to her, she said softly, "My little birdie texted me again. Do you want to talk about it?"

And suddenly, even though he didn't know what to say, it was suddenly all there, all pouring out of him at once. Each word stumbled over the other in an effort to get out as he described Nathan Harris and everything that had happened with him, the teenager who had reached out to Spencer for help. Help that Spencer hadn't really given him until it was too late.

"We both know that you couldn't have known how it was going to end, Spencer," she tried to soothe him.

"That doesn't matter; I still should have tried to help him when he came to me; I should've recognized how wrong something was with him."

"But you didn't, Spencer, and that's okay - it has to be okay - because, like it or not, we can't go back and change the past, do something then that we can now only wish that we would've. We don't have that option. We've just got to heal as best as we can and move on. You told me that after Maggie, remember?"

"I remember;" Spencer sighed. "But it's hard."

"I know it is, but if I can do it, I know that you can. You're a fighter, Spencer, you can get through this."

* * *

_February 5, 2007_

_"You're a fighter, Spencer, you can get through this."_

He lives off of those words. During every second that he is conscious while with Tobias Henkel, her words and, later, Gideon's run through his head. They give him the strength to fight. The thoughts of his mom, his team, of Lila, are the only reasons that he fights through to the end.

They are the reasons that he lives through it all.

* * *

_February 9, 2007_

"Hey."

Once again, when she said it he knew that she knew that something was wrong. If he thought that he didn't know what to say about the Nathan Harris case, he really didn't know what to say now. This time he _was_ the case, and he really didn't want to relive it all again.

Lila didn't ask him about the case, didn't ask him to tell her what had happened; chances were her "little birdie" had texted her again, or maybe she had even heard about it on the news. It was as if she instinctively knew that he didn't want to talk about it, and it struck him then that she did know. She had been where he was, only she had made numerous public appearances to talk about her experiences, and she had hated every one of them. She didn't ask him if he was okay, because they both already knew that he wasn't.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you," she whispered.

He sighed, "Me too."

"I'm here whenever you're ready to talk about it - about any part of it - if you ever do want to talk about it. I'm not going anywhere on you, Spencer."

"I know. But I just… I can't right now. Not yet."

"I know."

It both hurt him and was a small comfort to him to know that this part she really did understand.

"Do you feel like talking?"

Spencer considered this for a second. He could feel the beginnings of a craving for dilaudid coming on, and it would be better to talk to Lila - to do anything, really - rather then give into that craving. He didn't know whether or not he could fight it now that he was finally back at his apartment by himself.

Lila took his silence for a "no," but it was obvious that she wasn't ready to hang up yet, so she asked, "How about just listening to me ramble?"

He almost smiled, deciding, "Sure."

And so she launched into an increasingly animated description of the new movie that she was going to be shooting.

"In _Hawaii_! Isn't that awesome?!"

A small smile came onto Spencer's lips. "Uh-huh."

For as long as she was talking, she helped him feel okay, even like he would one day actually _be_ okay again.


	4. Chapter 4

_February 15, 2007_

"Can you talk to me again?"

Spencer knew that it was an odd request, but if he thought it was hard to fight his dilaudid cravings when on a case with the team, it was even harder when he was at home alone. Talking to Lila always made him feel less alone, and so she was the first person that he had thought of when he had awoke, shaking for need of the drug.

Only when he looked at the clock did he realize that it was one in the morning her time.

"How ironic," he muttered under his breath, thinking of the first time that she had called him.

"What?" Lila was mumbling herself, sounding appropriately tired for the hour. "Spencer?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized, hating himself both for calling and for sounding like a lost child. "I shouldn't have called. I didn't realize the time…"

"No," she said sharply, so that she knew she had his full attention. "it's okay. We both know that. What's wrong?"

Lila had been calling him every evening when he didn't call her first, so he knew that chances were it really was okay with her that he had called her so late - or early, as it were - but he still had yet to tell her about the true root of his problems. He didn't know that he could bear confessing to her that he had lifted the vials off of Tobias' dead body, thus enabling himself to continue the quickly-formed habit.

"I just need it…" he slipped up and then covered for himself by saying, "I needed to hear someone's voice."

"Well, I'm here for you, Spencer. What do you want to hear about?"

He paused for a second, trying to find a safe topic of conversation in the troves of his addled brain. "How's Hawaii?"

"Okay," she answered. "Honestly, not as great as I had thought it was going to be, though. Of course, being here for work probably doesn't help. But you know all about that, don't you? You've been all over the place for your job, and it doesn't sound like you ever have much fun while you're traveling."

Lila was rambling now, and Spencer was okay with that, he enjoyed it even. The sound of her voice was what he had wanted and needed. Listening to her had the same effect on him as it always had; the drugs hadn't changed that. It made him feel wanted and important to someone for something other then what the size of his IQ could bring the BAU team.

Sure, the team loved him, he knew that, but they hadn't had a choice but to let him into their lives. He had been assigned to the team, they had been assigned to the team, and thus they had to work together. Lila was the first person in a very long time who had chosen - once she had came into his life and then gotten the chance to leave - to stay in his life, even becoming a bigger part of it. And in some ways - ways that he was no longer quite sure how to explain - he loved her for it.

* * *

_March 1, 2007_

The tenth time that Spencer called Lila at some equally obscene hour of the morning, he already knew that she was starting to get concerned for him. He already knew that she was getting to the point of breaking their unspoken agreement that she didn't ask for the reason behind why he was making these calls and he didn't offer it. He just wasn't expecting her to ask him that question right then.

"Spencer, what's been going on with you?"

Lila asked the question gently, and with a great amount of care, but her tone was different this time. There was a thread in her tone that he hadn't heard before. She wasn't going to let him evade the question this time. She was going to demand answers if he didn't just give them to her straightforward.

"Lila, please," he begged. "Trust me when I tell you that you don't want to know."

"Yes, I do," she insisted. "I still have my birdie's phone number. I can call and talk to him about it. I'd bet my entire savings on the fact that he knows what's going on."

Spencer sighed, thinking this through. She had just indicated twice that her informant was a male, and since he was still certain that it had to be someone on his team, that left his options at Gideon, Hotch, and Morgan. Gideon didn't like Lila and Lila didn't like Gideon, he wouldn't tell her anything about him and Lila wouldn't ask. Hotch… Maybe, Spencer decided. Maybe Hotch would have contacted Lila if the unit chief saw how bad things really were with him, and Spencer knew that Hotch could easily tell. But still, Spencer's gut said Morgan. Morgan knew the full extent of what had happened between Spencer and Lila in LA, and he wouldn't put it passed the African-American to text Lila to get her on his case. And, yes, if pressured while knowing that Lila had Spencer's best interest at heart, he would tell her about Spencer's addiction.

It would be better for Spencer if he just did it himself.

"I," Spencer instantly choked on the words and decided to change directions. "Did you see anything about the Henkel case on the news?"

"My birdie shot me a couple of online links of news videos to check out," she said, and Spencer could tell that she was trying to tread carefully.

"And you watched them?"

"Of course."

"So, what to do you know?"

"That a man with multiple personality disorder kidnapped and tortured you while keeping you in a cabin near a cemetery."

Spencer hadn't really kept up with the news coverage of the case, but it occurred to him now that maybe he should have been. "Nothing has been said about drugs?"

"No, nothing that I saw… Why?"

"Because the kindest of Tobias Henkel's personalities - his real one - kept me pumped with drugs while I was with him."

"What kind of drugs, Spencer?" she asked in that same careful but resolute tone, yet this time there was an edge of wariness to her voice.

Spencer swallowed, preparing himself for the worst - Lila jumping ship, hanging up and hightailing it out of his life, as soon as he told her. "Dilaudid," he muttered. "It's…"

"An addictive narcotic, I know," Lila finished for him.

"How do you know that?" Spencer asked in confusion.

"Two ways: One, this is LA, pretty much everybody and their second cousin has been on one drug or many at some time in their life around here."

After a pause, Spencer asked, "And the other way?"

Lila sighed before confessing, "After everything that went on with Michael and Maggie, I looked pretty hard into finding some sort of drug that I thought might help. I did a lot of research on hallucinogens in the process."

"You didn't ever…"

"No, I never actually could work myself up to actually taking anything, I just wanted to really bad. I even bought some stuff. I never could take it, even though I've still got it here."

"Why?" Spencer asked in confusion.

He knew from a growing lot of experiences that having the drugs present made the urge to take them even that much stronger.

"To remind myself how far I've come in the past eleven months. I was able to come so far mostly because of the people who helped me and were here for me, because you were here for me. Just like I'm going to be here for you, Spencer." It was as if she could read his deepest fear when she assured him, "I'm not going anywhere on you. Not now, not ever."


	5. Chapter 5

_March 22, 2007_

And she didn't. No matter how hard Spencer knew he became to deal with at times, she never gave up on him. Heck, she never even _hung_ up on him. So, when the first anniversary of her trauma with Maggie started looming close, Spencer knew when she called him unusually late not only what was going on, but that it was his turn to begin to pay her back for everything that she had done for him, over the past six months, especially.

"Hey," he whispered, shaking off the sleep that he had been so close to and picking up the phone instead.

On the other end of the phone, Lila can only cry. Spencer assumes that her nightmares are back, apparently with a vengeance, but he isn't sure what to say to help her. He's never sure what to say to women, especially when their crying, unless they're a murderess psychiatric case trying to kill him. No matter how overwrought Lila is, he knows for a fact that she isn't a psychiatric case – which is probably a true miracle considering how much he's unloaded on her in the past months – but this leaves him with the familiar problem of not knowing how to help her when she obviously needs it.

"I know, sweetheart…" It took him a second to realize what he had just called her, but thankfully she's crying so hard that he doubted that she had noticed. "I know nightmares come back like this, but they do go away, I promise."

After another minute of listening to her sobbing while he tried to comfort her, Lila wound down to sniffles and explained in a twist that left Spencer perplexed, "But it wasn't the same nightmares. The ones that I used to have made at least a little sense, but this one… Spencer, Maggie… she killed _you_."

Spencer could only sit there for a second, processing this as Lila began to cry again, softly this time. "But, Lila, I'm right here; I'm fine; I'm still alive, safe in my apartment alone. Maggie's gone, she's been institutionalized, remember?"

"I know, I just..." Lila was beginning to sound a little sheepish now as she admitted, "I just needed to hear your voice. I needed to make sure that you were okay." She sniffed again, asking, "Stupid, huh?"

"Not at all," Spencer soothed. "I know exactly how you feel."

There was a lull in the conversation before Lila asked in a small voice, "Can you just talk to me?"

Spencer smiled a small, sad smile, easily sliding into a recitation of facts on the early movie-making industry. At the same time, he was getting out of bed, grabbing his go-bag, and shooting off a couple of texts, one to Hotch and another to Garcia.

To Hotch, he sent, _"Please don't shoot me when I get back, but something personal has come up and I'm going to be out of state for at least a week. I'll call when and if I get a chance."_

He texted Garcia, " _Sorry to wake you, but I need to be on the next flight to LA. Can you get me there?"_

A few minutes later, Penelope responded with what flight he was on and the added question of, _"Is L ok?"_

Spencer didn't answer; doing so might lead to having to explain himself to the tech analyst, and how could he explain to her when he couldn't even explain his spontaneity to himself?

* * *

"Well, this was bad timing," Spencer said to himself, standing outside of Lila's house the next afternoon as the taxi that he had taken to get there sped away.

The actress was out working, he knew, but he just didn't know where or how to reach her. This whole trip had probably been a bad idea, he realized. He had totally overreacted to her call the night before, and now both he and Lila were going to be flustered and embarrassed when she came home and saw him on her stoop. Heck, he didn't even know why he had come, now that he thought about it.

So, since he had nothing else to do, Spencer grabbed the handle of his rolling suitcase and dragged it around to the side of the house, not letting himself acknowledge where he was heading. He pushed open the creaking wrought iron fence surrounding Lila's pool and went in before shutting the gate behind his bag, abandoning his luggage by the gate. It was sixty degrees out – hot, at least in his mind, for late March, but still too cool to just plunge into the pool and go for a swim. So he settled for peeling his shoes and socks off, rolling his pant legs up, and putting his feet in the cold water. He let the memories roll through his mind like a movie reel as he once again asked himself the question: Why had he come here?

Of course, Lila had been hurting when she had called him last night, but that was to be expected considering the upcoming anniversary, and he knew it. So _why had he come_? Because she needed him? Sure, she needed him now as much as she ever had, but hadn't their conversations on the phone always been enough for them both? Why was now different?

Watching the sunlight dance across the water, he slowly allowed himself to come to the conclusion that he had been denying himself for months. He was in love with Lila Archer.

And this time… this time was different because for the past six or more months, it had been him that needed her. Now that she needed him again, he wanted to be there for her as best as he could, and that had meant coming to Los Angeles to be with her during this time that promised to be so difficult for her.

Those two facts were all that there were to it, but now that he had come to that conclusion, what he didn't know was what came next. He didn't even know if she would welcome his presence here, let alone if she felt the same way about him.


	6. Chapter 6

_This trip was not a good idea_ , Spencer thought for what had to be at least the tenth time. But then again, for as much as he had been paying attention, it could've been the hundredth time.

Suddenly feeling panicky, Spencer scrambled to his feet, shoved on his shoes and dashed out, running the quarter-mile into the city before he flagged down a taxi. He had needed space from Lila's place and the memories that were assaulting him there.

"Where to?" the cabby asked him.

"Uh..." Suddenly Spencer was fighting an attack of dilaudid withdrawal, and realizing that in his haste, he hadn't brought any dilaudid with him and had even left his go bag back at Lila's house only added to the cloudiness in his brain. It took him a moment to decide that if he couldn't have dilaudid, he would settle for his secondary drug of choice – caffeine, which for him meant coffee. "The nearest coffee shop, please."

The cabby nodded and took him into downtown Los Angeles before dropping him off at a quaint family-owned coffee shop on South Grand Avenue. Under normal circumstances it would've been just his atmosphere, but since he was shaking so much he just got his coffee and got out before someone there recognized that he was having actual trouble. The last thing that he wanted was to draw attention to himself right now, but that left him once again standing on the street corner with no idea where to go.

He took a gulp from the cardboard cup in his hand, letting the familiar sweetness soothe away his nerves. He was grateful to discover that, as it had before, the coffee seemed to take the edge of his dilaudid craving. He didn't crave drugs as often anymore, but when he did it was always coupled with nerves or anxiety over other things that were already going on in his life, and that seemed to make the cravings worse than ever.

Spencer checked his watch and sighed. It was barely lunch time, which meant that he logically had at the very least three or four hours before Lila would be back at her house, and that was if she wasn't working a twelve-hour day shooting her scenes as was often the case. He looked around, then just stood there and dug out his smart phone, making a note to than k Garcia for making him buy it as he looked up a nearby burger joint on Google Maps.

After buying his burger, Spencer decided that this time he would stay in the building and eat. This place was full of people who were too busy going about their own business to notice or care about his jitters, and it made him feel safer than the coffee shop. All the same, he sat down at a small table right next to a window and just stared out at the scenery and pedestrians passing by as he ate. Truth was, though, that becoming a profiler had taken most of the fun out of people watching, made it seem more like working than anything. It was because of that that Spencer turned his attention to the storefronts across the street instead.

And there, smack dab across from the burger place where he was currently eating, was a jewelry store of all things. A wad of hamburger got stuck in his throat as he stared at that store. He didn't believe in signs or fate; he was a man of science, after all, but seeing that place simply drove home to him what he needed to do, no matter what the risks were. After all, if things turned out alright in the end, it would be very well worth it.

Spencer stuffed the last couple of bites of his burger into his mouth, balled up his wrapper and threw it away before hurrying out of the restaurant and across the street.

Maybe it was a little out of the middle of nowhere, but the worst that she could do was say 'no'.

Spencer spent hours in that store. He had no idea what Lila was going to say when he asked her _the question_ , so he wanted to eliminate one variable and find a ring that he was certain that she would like – or at least something that matched up with the Lila that he saw on-screen, since he hadn't seen her in real life since her case.

This thought unnerved him once again and made him question whether or not he was doing the right thing. He took a deep breath, knowing the ridiculous truth. He had come too far in his thought process to back out – or even back _up_ – now. Regardless of how Lila felt about him right now, he loved her. If she didn't feel the same way about him – at least not yet – then he would wait for her if he had to. In the end it would be worth it. It had to be.

* * *

As a result of the extensive amount of time he had taken to pick out a ring, Spencer got back to Lila's house late in the evening. When he climbed out of the cab, the first thing that he noticed was that his go-bag sat on the front steps, not back by the pool where he had left them. Due to his already frayed nerves, the genius' hand lingered on his holstered gun as he stepped up to his suitcase, noting that something had been left on top of it. A pair of swim shorts and a note.

_I'm in the pool; join me if you dare… Lila_

Spencer's throat went absolutely bone-dry. How had she known it was him? He had a nametag on his suitcase, he remembered, before getting a handle on the bigger picture here.

Lila was in the pool… and she wanted him to join her. If he dared…

Spencer quickly checked the lock on the door into the house, and, finding it unlocked, quickly slipped in and changed into the shorts. Taking a deep breath, he took the small ring box that he had acquired not an hour before and slipped it into the pocket of his shorts before stepping into Lila's sitting room. He stood there for a second, watching her through the sliding glass doors while she still hadn't noticed him.

He had always known that she was beautiful – more so on the inside then the outside, he had realized the better he had gotten to know her – but the vision that met his eyes was almost surreal. Over the past year, he had gotten so used to seeing her onscreen that he had almost forgotten what she looked like off of it. Right now, she wasn't an airbrushed actress, she was just Lila, and she was more beautiful than ever to him.

Suddenly, she turned around and spotted him. A grin split her face and she waved him over.

"Come on, Spencer; the water's great!"

Spencer bit his lip and stepped out to the pool's edge, not knowing what to say to her. "Hey," he settled on their customary greeting.

Her smile was soft and welcoming, but if he didn't miss his mark, she was inwardly bubbling over with a lot of different, much more complicated emotions. "Hey." A pause and then, "Are you going to get in?"

Something sparked in the back of her blue eyes, but in the past year she had acquired a wonderful poker face, and even the Vegas native wasn't sure what she was thinking as he shrugged.

Lila sighed at him and flopped her hand up towards him. "Fine. Then be a gentleman."

Spencer internally flinched, hoping that he hadn't just upset her already. He reached out and grasped her slender hand. For a split second, she beamed at him and her eyes flashed with mischief, and in the next second he was in the pool and coming up for air while Lila's giddy laughter floated across the water.

"I thought that you remembered everything, Spencer! How could you not have known that I was going to do that?"

Swiping his wet hair back out of his eyes, Spencer said, "I figured I could take my chances; after all, we've both changed a lot in the past year." And then he gasped, realizing what else had gotten doused when Lila had pulled him into the pool. "Oh no!"

He swam over to the edge of the pool and dug the ring box out of his pocket.

"What's wrong;" Lila asked, swimming up beside him. "Did I get your gun wet again?"

"No, it's just this."

He was torn between trying to keep her from realizing what it was and offering it to her then and there when she gasped, and he realized that he had just lost his first option. Well, he might as well go with the second option then.

She asked shakily, "Spencer, what is that?"

He really should have thought this through; he had no idea how to go about doing this. He looked at the box in his hand and opened it, not daring to look at her. "An engagement ring."

"For who?" she whispered carefully, sounding as if she was afraid of… something that he couldn't identify.

Here he forced himself to look back into her face as he said, "You, if you want it."

Lila smiled. And laughed. And then she took his face in her hand s and kissed him. "Yes," she whispered against his lips. "Oh, yes!"

Spencer pulled her close and deepened their kisses. This wasn't the way that he had been looking to sooth away Lila's bad days, but, hey, it sure worked for him… and apparently her too.


End file.
